Darkness

It is hard to see in darkness, but easy to feel, and it is easy to see in light but hard to feel. Your mind will be busy as your eyes are scanning what you see, leaving no room for your heart to feel. She lived in the light most of her life, fearing the darkness and she missed what the darkness has.

Trust

You never copy the reality as is, you interpret it as you see it or as you like to see it. It cause me a lot of troubles, you never stop hurting me, I cannot trust you after all the disappointments. It is very hard to maintain friendship with no trust. I told you not to share, but you did, other trusted you as well and you betrayed them by telling me. How can we both trust you? ....
Love you? No I’m not
Stuck with you? yes I do.
Can I leave? Not an option.

Talk

We make eye contact form time to time, you never know that I would like to talk to you, my pride and image come first, you don’t know that. I like you and I wish we can talk, not sure how or when, but I hope soon and anywhere.

Message

“You should let her go out of your life, you still love her but she brings you nothing but troubles” the voice of the dead old man kept repeating these words many times. The old dead man was not alone, there was another familiar face that kept staring.

Amina VI

Amina heard the news in the radio and ran towards her parent’s room. The room’s door was unusually closed; she pushed the door with terrified shaking hands. The moment the door was opened Amina’s eyes got frozen with one foot in the room. With a heavy slow motion, she took one step further into the room. The room was full of lighted candles, neat bed sheets, closed window curtains and all were grey colored from dust. Suddenly her eyes got wider seeing her parent’s marriage photo frame that was hung over the bed’s wall removed; replaced with two frames holding her parents separated with black ribbons place on the right side of each frame. A huge white light came out of the wall towards her eyes she did not see or feel anything then, her head hit the room’s floor.

With a deep breath and stroke scream, Amina found herself opening her eyes seeing herself lying in her bed having fast heart beats with a wet sweated pillow. Few moments after, she realized that it was the nightmare she has been having since her father passed away. It is 3:00 AM, she got off her bed, sat on the armed chair facing her work laptop, looking at the window’s curtain with a traumatized face. Few minutes after, she sneaked into her parent’s room, and with checking eyes full of fear she stole a quick look. Her mother was peacefully asleep in her bed, a small smile drove its way over her face but disappeared as soon as her eyes caught her father’s favorite antique chair empty with no book on it. Her father used to keep his current readings on this chair, then placing it back in the library in the living room after finishing it. Her smile found its way back when remembering the day her father bought this Antique chair from Salle des enchère and how he was always telling stories about how it was designed especially for readers.

Amina walked out of the room carefully, so not to wake her mother up. Getting into the kitchen, fixed herself the hot Nescafe she likes with a small piece of her mother’s baked cake. She left the kitchen holding a small tray while keeping herself discreet. She entered her room; lighted her insect-hunter candles, half-slide the window and switched on her laptop. On the voice of Fairuiz , she opened her private photos gallery. She is well organized, her photos were categorized by year of her age, from one till twenty eight. She started her browsing with opening the folder named twenty one. It was the year where she had her first job as a sub-interior designer in a small decoration office after she graduated from the Fine-Arts school. It was her first interaction with the business life and it was also where she met Nadine.

Nadine is five years older than Amina, she has a powerful character, sharp but charming voice, pointed face, prefer to have her hair cut short in a boyish way, and likes wearing trousers than skirts. Nadine was one of the office clients; Amina was in the decoration team who decorated Nadine’s new house. Nadine was having her new apartment after having a divorce from her husband; her marriage did not last more than two months. Nadine has a strong personality, rarely admits her mistakes, and she is talented in convincing the others with her ideas. As a Marketer, her character qualified and prompted her for many promotions at work, gaining a long list of enviers and enemies as well. She uses short emails, few words and eye contact to deliver any message to all her colleges. Her manager used to avoid direct confrontation with her because she always has her strong and non-debatable reasons.

In a short period, Amina and Nadine became very close; dissolving all the barriers. Unifying their hobbies, interests, and their friends; who were under the shock of seeing Amina the flying angle and Nadine the wild tigress both in one cabin. Amina did not feel or see that contradiction, she was overwhelmed with Nadine, and giving up some of her hobbies was a trival matter not worth thinking about. She saw in Nadine the strong character she needs, with a reliable, passionate and romantic lover she wants to be with. Nadine treated Amina differently; question marks were easily triggered on the faces of her family and friends whenever they are seen together. Nadine was so tender and genuinely careful in perceiving Amina, advising her in a attentive heart, watcheyes for all her movements and reactions. Amina got used to have Nadine in her life, she could not start or end a day before hearing her voice, and in many times she goes to the coffee house near to Nadine’s work to have a quick snack in Nadine’s lunch break.

Having an angle face with a sweet voice, Amina was misinterpreted all the time; she hates when people treat her like a spoiled or naive girl. Nadine knew that from the moment she met Amina. She gave Amina the space for expressing herself, the chance to experience real life challenges and the tools to improve her life. Amina for the first time in her life got the chance to evaluate herself and to state resolutions to achieve. Amina’s mother realized the direct influence Nadine had on her daughter, she was happy to see Amina growing up and becoming a strong lady in a world that understands nothing but power, she always says that to Nadine.

Browsing her photos gallery, Amina reached her twenty forth years old folder, the album home page was for her and Nadine holding each other, wearing their bikinis swimming suits in Lefkada beach . This trip came after long arguments and quarrels with her parents who did not permit her to travel abroad, but she managed to let Nadine convince them. Nadine was always her joker card with her parents whenever there she has any conflict of interests. Nadine was able to make them feel that she is Amina’s unborn elder sister. Although Amina’s mother had that strange feeling about Nadine’s attitude and how she looks to Amina and how she touches her sometimes, but she was sure that Amina is always in safe hands with Nadine. That trip was one of the best trips Amina ever had in her life. Being with Nadine was enough. Moreover, they went swimming, tanning, dining, shopping and clubbing all the time. For both of them that trip was like a honeymoon vacation.

Amina took one last sip and decided to go back to sleep. She switched off her laptop, seeing her photo with Nadine on the computer’s wallpaper in her engagement party. She remembered how her mother pushed her to that engagement and kept talking with her about marriage and the new life she is going to have, but Amina never saw this coming or happening to her.

Encounter.

She hates recording her encounters, but he was the one she waited for so long. She knew he is not as magnificent as the others, and doing it with him was not as she expected, but she was very happy having him. She knows that cooking a meal is much more exciting than eating it, this brought her mind back to think about desire and real enjoyment, she usually wants what cannot fulfill her needs, she likes what she sees out of the box, yet it seems in her case the best is always in the box. Thank you dear for the lovely moments, which they lasts.

Fainted.

“I want the biggest glass of cocktail you have, please” she said to the bar man while standing at the bar by the beach. She saw a black out, then a white light with her parents, close friends and lovers’ faces fighting it to stay longer in the picture. Shaking head lead her eyes to open, seeing strange people speaking a strange language, feeling cold water purred on her head, neck and face.
She saw herself lying on the ground with two guys talking to her. It took her sometime to see them clearly, “Yes, I’m fine” subconsciously she found herself replying in the strange language that she figured out in moment she replied that it is Italian. The two guys hold her to their beach mattress, letting her body reliefs under the sun shelter, where they got her a juice, a small towel with cold water placing it over her head.
Gathering her strength, she thanked the two guys for their gentleness, took the long towel the two guys offered to cover her body with, with a weak body getting back its strength and a semi shaking legs she went to her mattress.

Goodbye.

This is not the life I’m looking for, am I going to find the proper love ever? He left with no coming back. I knew it from day one, from the first kiss, from the first hug, that he is not the one I have been waiting for. He got the career, the decency, the care, the wealth but misses love. I’m single again, lonely, with nothing to give but a smiley face hiding my sense of grieve.

Hatred

I was in the GYM’s locker room two days ago, I noticed two guys, next to me changing their clothes, gossiping about another guy at the other side of the locker room. That guy was a homosexual, I didn’t notice, I knew it from the two guys next to me who started making indirect jokes about him in a load voice. Both of them were showing off their straight sexual orientation by how they hate these sluttish gays. One of them told the other that he will change his clothes in the shower room instead of the lockers as he feels insecure.
I found myself, subconsciously looking deeply to the homosexual guy, inquiring myself, how people can be that shallow? How can they hurt others and judge them as per their sexual orientation? Why people hold all this hatred and humiliation towards people they don’t know?

Satisfied

God has been so generous giving me all what I have, family, friend, career, and wealth. Why am I always looking for things I don’t have? Is it is true that nothing can me satisfied? I wish I can enjoy life with all what I have before time runs and becomes too late.

Facebook

Accessing the profile of a dead person on Facebook was very weird; especially that he was a friend. The first thing I saw was his profile picture that was taken last summer by the beach. With a sad smile, I preceived this photo, pressing on it for full size. I passed through all his profile photos and albums one by one, viewing his friends comments including mine and reading his replies. I read his few short notes, his status history, and his last birthday congratulations. I went through all his groups he used to join and barely contribute, I remembered all his interests, his way of dealing with things, his laugh and his tears; but the figure that kept always in my eyes was him smiling.
His life was too short. I never had a thought that I will witness his funeral or see his name on a grave that soon.I miss you my friend.

Waterfalls

When she loves someone, she accepts any treatment he does. She is happy to have him around; she doesn’t care if this is the best for him. She contributes in his life in every field, with or without mentioning; nobody can tell or feel; unless she stops giving love. Like the water fall in a open lack, never notice the water added before the fall stops.

Sugarcoat

She used to like his views, accept his aggressive attitudes, defending him in front of others.
She used to see as she wants to, not as he really looks like.
She used to pick the side she wants to see from the picture, discarding the rest.
She used to listen to the words she loved to hear, acting deft for those she hates.
She used to accept him as he was, the moment they separated, she saw him as stranger.

Frame

She lives in her own small world; she enjoys seeing the positive sides and denies seeing the negatives. Many of her friends wonder how she is able to see beauty in things that lacks the sense, she never answers. She knows that they will never understand and will keep arguing.

She wakes up early to avoid the traffic while driving to work. The morning music in the radio station she hears plays a good role in keeping her mood. If stuck in traffic she forgets about the noisy people and the crowd. She closes the windows, play her especial music collection and set her mobile on low-ringing tone. She looks at the old buildings neglecting the modern decorated shops in the ground floors. She enjoys the yellow rays of the sunrise or the orange rays of the sunset on the streets, squares and its reflection on the vehicles.

Among her friends, she’s accused of not seeing the full image or knowing people well. She replies with a warm smile that if she starts judging people, she will never have enough time to love them. She draws a frame for herself through she sees what she admires, hear what she wants and smell what she likes.

Mingle

She is sitting in a café with her 10 years old boy who is playing games on her mobile. He passes in front of her, they had a long eye contact which she initiated, and he continued his walk after raising his left eyebrow surprising.
Her eyes followed him walking and freeze at the hardest angle they can reach from her seat position. It was him, she recognized him from the first sight; she remembered their first date, their first coffee, his first touch, their first trip and his first kiss.
She smiles with eyes full of sorrow for not recognizing her. She knows that she has been dramatically changed in the past few years, gained weight; got veiled and wore eye glasses.