Bitching bitching all the way.

Bitching bitching all the way

Throwing the pain far away

Day and night dancing sway

Willing to stop one day

Or is it the price I had to pay?

For heart full of desire

Leading the body to nothing but fire

Leaving the soul with no hope

Tied in sins with a rope

Always sleeping in bed alone

Smash idea were thrown

Lonely walking in a gloomy way

God, shall you forgive if I pray?

Peace vs. Pain.

I knew that I shouldn't go to that engagement party. I knew I will meet those people whom i dislike. Yet, if time goes back, I would have go as I will never give up my battle.

I'm not seeking for revenge or pain, I want peace and justice, but notifying this now will be as an announcement for surrender.

Out.

I like to deliver messages form time to time for certain people, tonight I was delivering that I'm .... to two from my friends, R and S.

How did they receive it? I will know by time....

Why didn’t I say HI?

My close and I friend accidentally saw him last night, he was sitting few tables away from us with his friends. My close friend knows all his friends and wants to go and say “hi” as a normal reaction and he sees no harm of doing that. I totally refused and I even told him not to go. Just for my sake he didn’t go, I knew that he hates it, but he did it for me, he didn’t even mention it again.

But the question here is why did I do that?

After a long time of thinking, I reached that could be because I was afraid to see his friends whom I heard are strange (i.e. famous, feminine, and judgmental)… but this is not true…. what’s in that? Don’t I have in my friends who have these entire common characteristics and may be more? There must be a hidden reason, come on speak up……

I think because I was not ready to salutes him at that stage of my life…. WHY?

Because, I always used to see him (in my eyes) in a higher level than his real one, I hate to see his friends who I heard about a lot, I hate to see him with them in real life which will be a fall down to him in my eyes, I was afraid of what he will say about me if anyone of them asks who is this guy? (And for sure they will). What will be his answer? Will he speaks well about me? Why not? And why do I care first place? I didn’t do him anything bad or harm; I just had that crush on him.

I still don’t know, may be this is a question mark meant to be there till I find an answer, if anyone knows please let me know.

Cup of tea...

He calls me when he want, he asks me out when he has time. I might not be his favorite cup of tea, or simply not his cup at all.

Willing to see him tonight.

I was willing to see him, he never showed up. He didn't promise anything but I wanted him around. It was a nice cozy party, could be warmer if he came.

T.A.Y.